“Excuse me… But I’m going to have to get your name.”

Growing up, ELC taught me many important life lessons:

1. A Southern lady never leaves her house without a little lipstick (I didn’t say I’ve always followed them.  I heart my simple Chap Stick).
2. Always write thank you notes.
3. Carry toothpicks and a mirror in your purse at all times (Ladies, of course, should never use a toothpick in public.  Right, ELC?).
4. Vita/e Hairspray, though cheap, gets the job done every single time.
5. Hot rollers.  Hot rollers.  Hot rollers.
6. Never drive more than 5 mph over the speed limit (I’m still working on this one).
7. The phrase, “Bless your/her/his heart,” works in so many different contexts.
8. Always ask for the “cash option” when you purchase your lottery ticket.
9. As ELC’s Nana taught her, “Pretty is as pretty does.”  
10. And, perhaps, one of the most important things she’s taught me:  Designing Women will forever be the most wonderful show (yes… yes… even beating Housewives).

There was an episode in Season Four where Julia and Suzanne head to Tokyo to visit their mother and pick up a car Suzanne purchased at a discount (though she never did get the car because it ended up falling off the freighter into the ocean).  During their “Big Adventure,” they encountered several instances of extremely poor customer service.  Each time Julia would end the conversation with, “Excuse me… But I’m going to have to get your name.”  Well, I’ve started creating my own personal “list” of places I will probably no longer frequent because of unfortunate incidents.  Apparently quality customer service has flown out the window.

About a month ago, the hubs wanted chili one night.  So, we headed out to the closest restaurant where chili is a featured menu item.  Once there, we waited fifteen minutes for a waitress.  Mind you, there were only about 10 other patrons at the restaurant that Tuesday night.  When we were finally able to place our order, the waitress literally had no clue they served chili (and, if I remember correctly, that is what that particular restaurant is named after).  I then asked for a half order of nachos (that also confused her – I won’t even go into that part of the story).  Twenty-five minutes later, when our food was delivered, it was cold and completely wrong.  How in the world do you mess up chili and nachos?  Well, they did.  They ended up bringing us new dishes. Always a scary proposition, right? When the manager set the chili in front of my husband, she snottily stated, “Here.  This is 242 degrees.  It should be hot enough for you now.”  I sat there, mouth agape, stunned at her audacity. 

We are NOT the type of people to ever complain about our food or lack of good service.  We just stoically suck it up--98% of the time, anyway.  I was humiliated that night, thinking they must have judged us to be customers who complain for a free meal--or dessert.  We won't go back to that location (I truly try not to judge an entire chain of restaurants based solely on the bad service of one of their franchises.).  This place is now FIRST on my new "list."  I made sure to let the hubs know about my “list” that night.  After all, isn’t marriage about moral support?  Regardless of whether or not he thinks I’m a little fruitcake (For those Designing Women fans, do you remember Suzanne always calling Bernice “a little fruitcake?” LOL.).

Next on my list a couple of days later:  The dry cleaners that ruined a brand new comforter and one of my jackets.  Though the rust stains on the comforter and the missing chain on the jacket were quite obvious, they chose not to tell me.  Seriously?  As if I wouldn’t notice?   I sweetly informed Hubby, “We are not going back there.  We’ll have to find another dry cleaner.”

The last business currently on my “list” is the gas station near our house.  A super mean clerk yelled at me as I was trying to buy my Mega Millions lottery ticket there two weeks ago.  I literally walked in with only two dollars and my car keys (I know he saw that, too!).  I charmingly said, “I would like a Quick Pick for the Mega Millions tonight – cash option with the megaplier." You've taught me well, ELC.  He walked over to his little machine, turned around and angrily shouted, “How many do you want?”  I was so caught off guard and confused I started stumbling, “I’m… I’m… I’m… not sure what you mean.”  He proceeded to yell at me, in front of six other customers waiting in line to purchase their chance at winning the $300+ million that night.  “TEN???  TWENTY???”  Quickly I answered, “ONE.  One quick pick.”  I knew I wouldn't be winning that night, because that clerk was tres rude.  And rudeness equals no winning lottery ticket. Doesn't it, really?  When I pulled into our garage, there was my hubby.  I, again, sweetly informed him: “You're going to have to find a new gas station.  We're NOT going back to that store again.”  He grinned and said, “How many more places do you plan to add to your list?” 

I might just start taking down names, too.