The Next-to-the-Last Diet Book . . .

So, TLC suggested I talk about my collection of diet books. But when I think of a “collection,” I think of things that are in, basically, the same general area. I thought it could be fun to share some of the titles of the books I have “collected.” (There is no telling how many I’ve given away, loaned out or sold in garage sales!) Then I realized I’d have to go search for all of them. They are not in the same place like a real “collection.” Some are in my big bookshelf in our Great Room. Some in a basket by my nightstand. Some in shelves over at our Barn apartment. Many are packed up in boxes in the loft of our Barn.  I quickly nixed this idea—way too much possible exercise.

Suffice it to say I wish I had even just half of the money back I’ve spent on these books. And magazines that had articles about dieting. I could probably have made a significant bailout loan to the government. Or, at the very least, had some money for the trips I’ve never made to Italy, Scotland or Australia. Those dreams are coming true for the authors of all of those books I’ve helped support.

I easily remember the first diet book I bought. I waited for it to come out in paperback. It was Dr. Atkin’s Diet Revolution. I was 20ish. I followed that book to the “t.” Except—I never added the fruits and veggies I was to eventually add. I was losing so much weight I didn’t want to slow it down by adding nutritional food. That great decision was more than likely the beginning of my stomach and metabolism issues and my addiction to diet books.

I’ll just blame Oprah, too. Why not? I honestly believed in her book—Make the Connection—with Bob Greene. In fact, I saw it recently when I was dusting my bookshelves. It is an excellent resource. Lots of good, sound principles. I should have stopped there. But, in the past two years, I’ve bought, among others, books about insulin-resistance and the glycolic index; both of Jillian and Bob’s (you know—the trainers on The Biggest Loser?—which, thanks to TLC, I am also addicted to) books, and, my most recent purchase, The Yo-Yo Diet Syndrome by Doreen Virtue. All, may I say, are EXCELLENT books.

(It suddenly occurs to me that the name “Bob” is often attached to thin people. I’m sitting here thinking of all the “Bobs” I know—famous and friends and acquaintances. I can’t think of even one chubby Bob. That’s it. I’m changing my name. And writing a book about it!)

When TLC was a toddler, I took her to a fun “grandmother” babysitter once or twice a week. Mrs. C had many children and grandchildren, but kept other kids, too, at her clean, warm, comfy house. She had a grandson that was a pistol. He was about TLC’s age and, like TLC, a tiny bit spoiled. One afternoon, as I was picking TLC up, he was throwing a screamin’ trantrum fit. His Dad, Mrs. C’s son-in-law, who was also there to retrieve his child, looked at him and said, firmly: “This is the next-to-the-last time I’m going to tell you to stop that.” When I looked confused, he explained he had discovered that no one—not his wife, mother, mother-in-law or several sisters-in-law—ever meant it when they said to their kids: “This is the last time I’m telling you to stop that.” He believed that was completely ridiculous. That these women all needed to admit there was never going to be a “last time” for any of those kids. He was clearly proud to be the only HONEST adult.

So here is what I’ve told my hubby and TLC for the past 24 years: “This is the next-to-the-last diet book I’m buying.” Works for me. And, sadly, it seems to be the truth.

(If anyone out there has read a new diet book you liked, please let me know asap!)